That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
