He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Randomize
