I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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