Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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