Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
