I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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