i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize