It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
