Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
