im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Slut skills are useful in every country.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
