if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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