I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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