mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
And then he peed in my hair
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