This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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