alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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