So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
