she was so not down for the gang bang
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
This baby is an asshole
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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