My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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