oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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