I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
...so i touched it.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
