So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize