can we get nightvision for the apartment?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Randomize
