Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
