did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
try to milk me bitch
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
