Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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