you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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