kristin has been a bad kristin
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
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He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
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Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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