just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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