Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
someone owes me an orgasm
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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