Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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