A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
My legs feel like baby dolphins
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
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