i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
