They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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