dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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