I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
then he tried to convert me to islam
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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