I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
