I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
