I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
