Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
