U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
