I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
