my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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