What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
