I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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