i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Randomize
