they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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