he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
my nose is crying tears of wow.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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