I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
