And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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