...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
