We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
