At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
