DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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