dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Sext me about skeletons
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
