Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
