just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
