My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
if only i could text you this smell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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