He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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