no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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