my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
