Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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