guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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