so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
