remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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